Has Anyone Ever Written Anything for You?

Has anyone ever written anything for you
In all your darkest hours
Have you ever heard me sing
Listen to me now

-Stevie Nicks

When I was younger I used to write because I didn’t know how to speak. I didn’t know how to tell anybody anything worth listening to, or, even then, were they listening?

ᗯᖇITᗴᖇ

I am a prolific writer. When I was younger I used to think that meant you were a successful writer or you wrote well but I soon realized it just meant you wrote a lot. And then I thought, that was fine with me if I just wrote a lot for the rest of my life. Maybe amidst all that writing someone would read it and it would be good enough. Perhaps it would be published. Publishing means something like validation. Then again it doesn’t mean anything at all. If all I ever wanted to do was right I could do just that.

Tᗴᗩᑕᕼᗴᖇ

So I became a teacher. I had thought of being a teacher when I was in high school because I had a savior complex, a need to be needed, because I wasn’t needed so much elsewhere. This is always been an issue within the relationships I have carried on. Offering far more of myself than what is reciprocated. I digress.

So I became a teacher to offer young people the opportunity to speak. I even thought it would give them the opportunity to dream. If they could speak of their ideas and their dreams then maybe they could manifest them and this is the goal. The goal is to live your dream.

I’ve had so many dreams over the years that I have forgotten almost all of them. They’ve become a muddle of comedy and tragedy and more tragedy and sorting out which is PTSD. Through all of this I’ve learned how to teach. And learning how to teach is a whole different business then improvising a teachable moment. Sometimes the teacher is the one learning the lesson whether or not the students realize.

ᗰIᖇᖇOᖇᔕ

My colleagues and students have been a reflection of the people in my former life. I am always reminded of who I have known, who I have been, and what may possibly come. I have no children of my own but I’ve helped rear 2,000 young people in the classes I’ve taught. Some graduated. Some died. Some had children. Some got married. Some went to college and got degrees. Some came back to visit to show me they became an EMT. Some ran away. Some were kidnapped. Some you only teach for a month. But they all reflect and at times the refracted light is blinding.

ᑭOᗴT

I am a poet. And like the many things I’ve been running from my entire life I didn’t want to admit it. It’s a different kind of writer or artist. It’s ambiguous. It’s earning a degree in something for which capitalism has no use.

I write like my life depends on it. Now I’ll consider writing because I love it and I need to and…why not.

I only have today. 📝

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ᗪOᑎT ᑎᗴᗴᗪ Tᕼᗴ ᒪOᐯᗴ 🖤

I don’t need the love

you can’t give me anything

I don’t already have

/

can’t take away what’s not here

/

can’t forgive me

for everything

I did

in your past life

/

didn’t sit

as far back as I can

remember

/

the bus

or the train that drove

too deep into the heart

of what pains you

/

those memories

running your blood

like yo daddy

swinging from trees

with uncles who never came home

to sit and eat

with sisters and cousins

raped and betrayed

by nothing

they didn’t know about

already

/

I don’t need you

to tell me about the time

your parents stop talking to you

because

because you couldn’t handle it

could you

couldn’t conform

in

to

simple

single

box

/

neat and tidy

never hurt no one

as bad as they hurt you

when they didn’t show up

to your wedding

/

couldn’t wait till you could bury them

in their small and simple

/

you didn’t need the love

/

you didn’t need the love

unless it was the one

the lover gave

was far greater

and more exceptional

than the silences pervading

or glares

that don’t leave your memory

or mine

/

You don’t recall

but I was alive at that time

doesn’t your blood run through

like

rivers

fished in

sailed over

me

/

still you laugh

like I am as funny as

that time I fell into rosebushes

covered by the thorns in the crown of someone dead now

I made a mistake

and fell into the flowers you tended

with dedication

ruining the roses you were planning on setting

the table with

/

Well they grew back

we cut them down

stopped them from swinging

so that they could sit

and eat

with the family

that only talks about

what they know already

which doesn’t include me

so I decide to leave

because I know

/

I don’t need the love

you can’t give me anything

I don’t already have

Pᴏᴇᴍ ʙʏ ᴅ. ᴍᴏʀsᴇ/2003

47 Years

On August 19th my parents celebrated 47 years of marriage. I never recall their anniversary date for several reasons. 1) It’s on the 19th and 19 is just not a number that sparks joy (for me). 2) They would act like it was any other day like Saturday. 3) It’s at the end of August and with all the Leo’s I know and school starting, you have to get in line for the last bit of summer joy.

My parents did it right. And as cliche as possible. They are together for 47 years because they said they’d do it. They’re together to celebrate because neither has died and both chose one another over all others. I’m sure they are also proud that their children are not the same age as their anniversary.

But these 47 years are theirs and theirs alone. We do not celebrate. They do. They are the future. I am the past.

Celebrity Declarations and the Unaffected Patriarchy 🤦🏽‍♀️

The Opinion by Marcie Bianco https://apple.news/A2Dv1iW5MRAK_i8BROruxyg is a well written piece. It is consistent in many ways. It does not, however, in my opinion, support it’s claim. It just makes one. Basically, Miley Cyrus and Julianne Hough are disrupting the Patriarchy by telling the public (and their partners 😮) that they aren’t heterosexual. 😳🤯

This, unfortunately, will not bring about the Queer femme or QPOC future that our elder sisters were writing about in the 70s and 80s. They were already writing about their lives and what would or should change in the future…which is NOW. Which was before either of these women were born. So many stories and true lives lived in the shadows. We can go back to the 1800s but I think the 1500s would be jealous. I digress.

The author claims that Cyrus and Hough are raising queer visibility by making these declarations and asserting control over their sexuality. Perhaps. For some. For others, these proclamations are merely fodder for articles and discussions and gossip columns and speculation on who they will date next. I wonder if, when Hough and her husband divorce, it will be due to this or “irreconcilable differences”.

When I read Hough’s blurb on revealing to her husband, “you know I’m not straight, right” I about death dropped and dislocated my hip. It sounded like she was telling him she didn’t like mangos and wasn’t sure if she’s ever said it out loud. But then again, Julianne hasn’t always made the best entrance or choices.

Miley seemed to repeat that she’s not the normal anything but grew her hair out, highlighted it and married Liam in a pretty normal looking wedding dress. The public doesn’t need to hitch their wagon to these women and the idea of what their “freedom from Patriarchy” will offer. The quotes embedded throughout the piece support this but do not challenge the intersections that stop the rest of us from proceeding.

Must I even ask…what of these dudes? Seriously, what’s up with heterosexual men that bullshit their way through a relationship with bisexual or queer identifying femmes? That’s the question. I’m curious to know what they think. That might be the break right there. But what a little crack. Just a broken heart 💔.

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