Vows make me laugh. In contemporary ceremonies, it becomes abundantly clear when the words and intentions are contrived. Don’t say what everyone else has said. Don’t sing a song you don’t have in your heart. Whether during a wedding or a personal, intimate moment, vows and promises should be made with earnestness and hope. Your partner loves you enough to confess their weaknesses and share all that you’ve done for them.
Unfortunately, vows are made and disregarded just as quickly, with the same fervor. When a couple marries they do not have to say vows. This is because it’s your ceremony. Or if you do share vows, make them meaningful. Nothing better than honesty in a 21st Century commitment; which is to say that everyone is lying to themselves and the people around them. It’s not rare to have a witness in the audience roll their eyes into tomorrow.
Make a promise to yourself that you will say and DO what you mean. If you are not mature enough (and you definitely know who you are) then consider leaving others alone. All too often the truth of a relationship’s imbalance reveals itself in destructive and debilitating ways. Who needs that? The only person to benefit from this is someone who is a parasite. If you marry a leech you will have to deal with leeching tactics that isolate you from happiness.
Til death do us part…
Consider that death was an entirely different business centuries ago. Even two generations back we can see the relentless clinging and secrecy that has held many relationships together. 50 years doesn’t mean 50 happy years and being married doesn’t have to be more than a business contract.
The ancient marriage archetype dictates that a woman is property of her father being given over to her husband and his family. Once she does this, no matter her age, she may become pregnant soon after and her life hangs in the balance. Every time I think about this I appreciate the difficulties it took for my life to come into fruition.
I thank survival most of all. We would not be here if it weren’t for some stubborn people bent on living and giving life…even if they didn’t know what to do with it.
Recently I have watched three married couples face separation and divorce. There are two issues I found within: pedestals and balancing acts. People all too often place a partner above themselves or others because of their values and beliefs. It can even come through the adoration they receive from others. This may cause someone to feel inadequate, but to no direct fault of their lover. There are also balancing acts people perform in order to maintain the guise of strength and togetherness they want to project. This is more compartmentalization than balance.
Balance allows for a give and take, while compartmentalization simply separates ideas and feelings so they are sorted accordingly.
These things, seemingly small, destroy relationships. They destroy relationships because they destroy people. A person cannot keep up this type of behavior no matter how long they perpetuate it.
Make vows that you can live by. Receive vows that you believe. There is a lot of talk around what people will do for one another in the fairy tale ever after of married life. What matters is what you actually do.