Consider omitting this from your wedding ceremony: if anyone has anything to say about this union, speak now or forever hold your peace. Most witnesses don’t hold their tongues after you’ve been married for a bit. Especially if they haven’t been holding their tongue since before the wedding.
This is NOT the time to say anything negative about the party you’ve been invited to or the couple you are celebrating. Why accept the invitation? These days our presence is requested and, even then, we may not get a plus one. Your invite is to share in the ceremony that unites specific individuals, not stew in a bitter silent rage.
Just. Don’t. Attend.
It can be painful if you want particular people present who refuse to attend, however there’s no reason to have these individuals in a space that should be held with love and joy. Having the obligatory heterosexist or classist at the affair only diminishes the intention of drawing support from those around you. Friends and family do have a job to do; if you show up…show up. Don’t forget about or give up on a couple that is newlywed simply because they are going to learn their lessons on the other side of the veil.
First things first, do no harm.
If no harm is seen by the people actually paying attention then we can leave that degree of ownership and entitlement in the past. We have no place in a relationship we are not invited into unless you are invited in and in that case…be a witness. But the truth is, truth resides between the betrothed.
Honesty isn’t a weakness. Believing a liar isn’t your fault. It’s the onus of the liar to come clean (so to speak) and therefore not the responsibility of the lied-to. We are not in relationships to spy on our partners. If that’s a habit or concern, deal with it. We should not have to uncover information but discover more and more about each other.
So, if you feel strongly about your relationship, make sure you get in a few counseling sessions AND know you do not have to explain or justify your relationship.
Your ceremony is a celebration of truth, the facts of the matter at present. What we see in front of our faces. Make sure your witnesses know this. If you are unable to do this, there should be no invitation in the mail (or a save the date magnet).