This new year has brought many resolutions and determinations to create positive changes within our individual lives. People are choosing to make clear statement about how they want to live and how they’re going to be treated and how they’re going to help others do the same. I hope these things could be true for me; It’s one day at a time, one determination each day.

Most of us are asking the universe for success, successes I’m sure people have earned and worked earnestly for, however it’s hard to compete with success. All of the extremely positive posts of social media users fixing their lives and re-positioning themselves in the world. It’s difficult to know what that will truly look like for those of us who feel bound to the past and procrastination. This procrastination isn’t the kind that you dealt with in high school, and you needed to turn in an assignment and couldn’t meet a deadline. This inertia is fueled by years of unrealistic expectations and beaten paths that were not mine and the true feeling of invisibility.

2018 is another year on the Gregorian calendar. I expect that I will have to wake up each day and consider what I should do. Should I go into work and bang my head against the wall. Should I tell people that I need a change of scenery and venue. Or can I hope against hope that this year will make me feel real again.

I never thought I would become an automaton. I was too decisive and independent. But the more I grew up and tackled the world around me the more I realized my shield and my sword we’re gonna take some time to forge. In the meantime I was borrowing from the proof of small things. Small treasures that hold value beyond their size and monetary worth. I hope for the simple things again; nothings simple anymore.