Speaking From the Heart ❤️ 

Consider omitting this from your wedding ceremony: if anyone has anything to say about this union, speak now or forever hold your peace. Most witnesses don’t hold their tongues after you’ve been married for a bit. Especially if they haven’t been holding their tongue since before the wedding. 

This is NOT the time to say anything negative about the party you’ve been invited to or the couple you are celebrating. Why accept the invitation? These days our presence is requested and, even then, we may not get a plus one. Your invite is to share in the ceremony that unites specific individuals, not stew in a bitter silent rage.

Just. Don’t. Attend.

It can be painful if you want particular people present who refuse to attend, however there’s no reason to have these individuals in a space that should be held with love and joy. Having the obligatory heterosexist or classist at the affair only diminishes the intention of drawing support from those around you. Friends and family do have a job to do; if you show up…show up. Don’t forget about or give up on a couple that is newlywed simply because they are going to learn their lessons on the other side of the veil.


Decrying someones marriage to another has no place in today’s society unless it is for the welfare of individuals. 

First things first, do no harm

If no harm is seen by the people actually paying attention then we can leave that degree of ownership and entitlement in the past. We have no place in a relationship we are not invited into unless you are invited in and in that case…be a witness. But the truth is, truth resides between the betrothed. 

Honesty isn’t a weakness. Believing a liar isn’t your fault. It’s the onus of the liar to come clean (so to speak) and therefore not the responsibility of the lied-to. We are not in relationships to spy on our partners. If that’s a habit or concern, deal with it. We should not have to uncover information but discover more and more about each other. 

So, if you feel strongly about your relationship, make sure you get in a few counseling sessions AND know you do not have to explain or justify your relationship. 

Your ceremony is a celebration of truth, the facts of the matter at present. What we see in front of our faces. Make sure your witnesses know this. If you are unable to do this, there should be no invitation in the mail (or a save the date magnet). 

Small Affairs

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A wedding isn’t the only occasion to celebrate a time-honored tradition or adopt/create a new one. For me, weddings began to change when women began marrying themselves. This was not so much because they reached a certain age and hadn’t found “the one”, but because they wanted to acknowledge their personhood and validate self love. I still thought it was weird simply because I don’t favor attention and with no bride our groom  I’d have to answer all the questions.

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Then there are dog weddings, cat domestic partnerships and marriages for citizenship, usually(random list,
unrelated to bigotry). I had never considered the myriad of ways people
were celebrating becoming married.

If you’re a couple who has decided to have a family, to bring children into the fold, baptism and naming ceremonies are a great way to bring loved ones together to honor your child(ren) and
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be reminded of our responsibility to keep them. Unlike a wedding, baptisms and naming ceremonies are usually smaller gatherings. This allows everyone to participate in the ritual
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and learn about it’s importance as the day transpires. “A naming ceremony is the event at which an infant, a youth, or an adult is given a name or names. The timing can vary from mere days after birth to several months or many years afterwards. Some of these ceremonies have religious or cultural significance.” Especially, the significance and role of water to wash away, cleanse and renew or feed the
roots of a plant that will continue to grow with you.

Funerals are oft regarded as sad affairs. Just the other day I contemplated the head count of a wedding versus a funeral. There are
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many reasons, usually fueled by avoidance, that people choose to pass on either affair. Both contain their own sets of triggers. But, today, a memorial or funeral ceremony can be a small gathering with great heart. Just consider the traditions of the past. Light a candle or many candles, pray, chant, tell stories, share memories and smile through it all. Each intention you and your guests have to celebrate those at the center of attention can only foster love and possibly improved relationships.
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Within each of these ceremonies must be a personal touch. It is valuable to explain why you are holding the ceremony and what the ceremony represents. If you have made modifications, share the reasoning behind these changes. The more meaning given to the event, the more you and your invitees will enjoy it. You may even be changed by it.

Whichever event you are preparing for, there are many considerations to keep in mind. Who will attend, what is their role in the day (if there is one), are gifts required or in lieu would donations be requested. I recommend that the guest list include people you do not have major conflicts with because the energy they bring will definitely impact the space. It may be a great idea to invite someone who is unfamiliar with the type of event you are coordinating so they can bring their curiosity and support. It may open hearts and create a mindful collaboration amongst family and friends.

We have a tendency to build guest lists from everyone we know. Any name you can remember goes on that list, including the friends your parents went with to college. Then you align the budget to the guest list and realize the small affair has become an event worthy of All Instagram. By keeping the guest/witness list short, you’re sure to have a celebration well remembered for years to come.
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sister dora